What should I do about my cousin's caretaker who, I feel, is dishonest and possibly committing elder abuse?

I have been writing the checks for monthly bills for my elderly cousin -- I write them out, but he still signs them. His caretaker has been writing her own checks -- again, he signs. He was recently in the hospital, and while there, some inconsistencies began to develop -- she said she was there when she wasn't, she charged gas on her charge card - says he told her to fill up, she flat out lied about some of the things she has done, she tried to keep his checks, then we had a horrible time getting them back from her - when she FINALLY brought the box back, there was a book missing, and her first question was what the check numbers were (shouldn't matter - a book of his checks). Now she keeps wanting more and more money and won't leave him alone with the family members. She is also supposed to be providing 24 hour care, but is "subcontracting" her family members to come in when she isn't there -- she was approved by the insurance company, but they have not been. I believe that he is afraid that she will leave and I am concerned about his financial well being. His daughter (my age) doesn't seem to care, and doesn't visit often. I'm sorry if this is a little (or a lot) long, but I really need advice. Thanks!!

Depending on where you and your cousin live, you could report this to the local Department of Family Services (Social Workers). They are obligated, once they receive the report, to investigate it and determine if it has any merit. If there is merit, legal charges could be pursued if it is at that extent.

Call an attorney, and ask what elements of the criminal offence of fraud and/or theft and/or conversion in your state, you would bear the onus of prooving against this low-life so-called "caretaker" for what she's doing.

Now, in point form, write some possible scenarios besides each element that take the form of a question. I'll give you an example:

a) Say you need to prove that there is lack of consent to handle his finances:

a.1) Then you determine, does this woman have a power of attorney that grants her the right to handle finances. If not, you move on to the next step.

a.2) You then conceptualize a question that you could nonchalantly raise in conversation with her, in which she will likely answer with the flakiest possible answer, thereby tending to prove that she does not have consent.

a.3) The question could just be something simple like "Oh, and Dad actually told you to go and buy that, I know. Do you remember when he told you that, though, because I know that I think he had wanted me to go and pick one of those up for him last Friday? I have to tell Dad that he's got to stop telling us both to get the same things."

a.4) This ding-a-ling won't have a clue what you're doing, so strap on a good recorder that you've just purchased and tested, and get to work, by getting her to talk to you. Then, somewhere "just in passing", pose the question.

a.5) Now, you wait a couple of days, and then you go and do another run at her with a different scenario, mixing up the dates, and trying to get her to contradict herself.

Anyhow, endear yourself to her for as long as it takes to get the evidence you need. Even, become her "friend", and confide baloney stories in her, so that she will trust you to tell more.

This is a process, you see.

Once you have enough evidence that an attorney feels is sufficient to haul her out in cuffs, you call the Sheriff's Dept., report the matter, hand over all the evidence, and call the 6'oclock news to be at the hospital when they perp walk her out of there, charged with bilking money from an elder.

She'll be in jail so long, global warming will have long passed by the time she gets out.

Plus, as soon as there's an arrest, you petition for a freeze-assets order in civil court, and ensure that you re-appropriate all of your Dad's assets, plus hers to cover your legal expenses.

Next time, YOU pick the caregiver and in doing so, make sure you have an attorney draft up whatever consents this caregiver may have. Never sign a caregiver's own forms. You always present your own, or heavily amend theirs.

You need to contact someone. First you should probably put in nanny cams to make sure your suspicion is correct, and come home more often, just to pop in. if this caregiver is working through an agency who actually puts people in the home, call them and ask to have the caregiver taken out, and a new one put in. If the agency doesn't want to work with you, and you know illegal acts are going on, contact the police and turn her in.