Mirror of Justice

Is Your Elderly Parent Driving You Nuts?

July 19th, 2009 at 10:10am Under Elder Law

By:  Carolyn L. Rosenblatt, R. N., Attorney at Law

Caregiving can be a beautiful, though difficult experience.  We love our parents, and want to help as they grow frail and less able to do for themselves.  It is our last chance, at this part of their lives, to show love, to be loved and to help them as they once helped us when we were babies.  But can they drive you a little crazy (or a lot) in the meantime?  You bet!

For those who are caring for an aging parent with Alzheimer’s Disease or other dementia, the memory loss problems can lead to complete contradictions, irrational changes in behavior, and many repetitions. The parent may ask you the same question over and over, until you run out of patience answering it.  She may accuse you of taking her money, her purse, or anything, until you pick it up from where she left it and show it to her.  Then, maybe she’ll ask you for it again a few minutes later.  This kind of problem faces most caregiving adult children who are trying to manage an elderly parent at home.  How do you keep from blowing up?

Maybe you can’t and you lose patience sometimes.  When you do, it’s a sign of your stress level, and part of your internal “guidance” that you need some relief.  Where do you get it?  Family, friends, and caregiving agencies are good sources for many.  Even if you have a sibling who seldom helps, you may be able to persuade him or her to take Dad for a weekend, or a day. It won’t happen unless you ask, as the reluctant–to-help siblings never volunteer, do they?  Many assisted living facilities offer “respite care”.  That is, they will take care of your aging parent overnight, or for a few days, for a daily fee. The elder typically receives all meals and can participate in social activities offered. Arrangements must be made in advance, to be sure there is a room available.

Many homecare agencies will also place a worker with your aging parent for a day or even a few hours, to enable you to get a break.  You need to research agencies in your area and find out about short term services, if long term help is not in the budget.  When the budget is too tight to pay for help, seek relief through your local volunteer organizations, senior centers, churches, synagogues or community service groups.  Asking for a volunteer to stay with your elderly parent can relieve the feeling of being overwhelmed, and allow you to take care of your own needs that so often get pushed aside in the caregiver’s life.

The National Family Caregiver Alliance, a nonprofit organization,  is also a helpful resource, among many other resources on the internet.  It provides support groups and even local retreats for caregivers through its offices in many cities across the country. The most important thing is to ask for help. Admit that this just gets to be too much sometimes. We all have limits. It may seem hard to get away, but it is as necessary as caring for Mom that the caregiver take time out to refresh and recharge those batteries.

© 2009, AgingParents.com, Carolyn L. Rosenblatt, R. N., Attorney at Law

New Law Can Order Parents of Young Gang Members to Attend Parenting Classes

July 17th, 2009 at 07:06pm Under Juvenile Law

Lawmakers hope a new bill being enacted this year will reduce California’s gang violence. Here are the Facts First:

• The Parental Accountability Act allows courts to order parents of young gang members to attend parenting classes.

• Courses will teach parents how to identify gang and drug activity in their kids.

• They will also learn better communication skills with their children.

Gang violence has been in the forefront in Santa Barbara this year. Police have identified 700 gang members living in the city. The new law will hold parents of gang members accountable for their children’s actions.

Every day Tere Torres walks down San Pascual Street, she is reminded of the gang violence that killed a 16-year-old boy she once knew.

Torres met Lorenzo Carachure two weeks before he died. She remembers her conversation with him.

“I said you know what? Only one advice, don’t get involved with gangs and doing all this stuff, drugs and this and that, and you’ll see you’re going to be doing, very, very well,” she recalls.

Torres’ advice came too late.

According to police, Carachure was involved in a gang and stabbed by a rival member as he walked home. “I couldn’t believe it. It was very sad, very, very sad,” Torres says. This year, a new state law will hold parents of gang members accountable for their children’s actions. The law will allow juvenile court judges to send gang parents to parenting classes.

Torres thinks the law will be a good wake up call to some moms and dads. “I think parents, they don’t know what they are doing. Most of them they’re working all day and they don’t know what the kids are doing,” she says. The new law will also force parents to meet face to face with the families who have lost loved ones to gang violence.

“It’s a good idea because it will get parents to be more responsible for their kids actions,” says Martin Medina, a father in Santa Barbara with his kids. The parenting program will be funded by requiring parents to pay for the classes. The law also allows juvenile court judges to dismiss the costs for families with extreme financial difficulties.

The Law was introduced by Assembly Member Tony Mendoza who serves California’s 56th district in Los Angeles County.

Sponsor Your Elderly Parents

July 16th, 2009 at 04:11pm Under Elder Law

Should I consider finding a house nurse? Should I send my parent/parents to an old age home? What will make them happy?

It’s been documented that because millions of people are deciding to migrate, millions of frail elderly people are left behind to fend for themselves. While the young leave their home countries for a better life, their parents are often left in the lurch. It’s estimated that more than 1 000 people a week migrate to Canada, Australia, New Zealand and the United States. As a result, Hong Kong has seen a growing number of “elderly orphans”.

Perhaps the best and most sensible start would be to have a chat with your parents. Consider their feelings and their concerns. Perhaps, they’re not interested in such a massive change? Try to discuss your feelings and then compromise. Attempt to alleviate your parents concerns. Offer alternatives to ideas you do not agree with.

Once you’ve had a heart-to-heart with your parents, set up a meeting with a clued up consultant, for in depth information. Then consider your various options.

Usually, parents aren’t included as accompanying dependants of the main applicant. Parents can be sponsored once the applicant becomes a permanent resident. In exceptional cases an elderly parent can be included as an accompanying dependant pursuant to the Last Surviving Member policy.

Family Sponsorship Currently, when applying for the entry of parents or grandparents it is done under the family sponsorship route. You require a proof of relationship and meeting the LICO (low Income Cut Off) Standards of Income. Canadian applications to sponsor your parents, will require you to prove to the Canada Immigration that you have sufficient income to support a family group of a certain number. Everything is dependent on the Canadian city you plan to live in.

Note:

Each country abides by a set of rules such as Australia.

Family Stream of Australian Migration Program: With this visa you’re able to the reunion in Australia of immediate family members, including parents. Consider; the parent category and the contributory parent category.

Contributory parent category: This category is considered ahigher priority. This Visa has a substantially higher visa application charge and larger Assurance of Support (AoS) bond, with a longer AoS period).

Parent Category comprises:(for applicants from outside Australia). This category comprises of Subclass 103 Parent (Migrant) Visa and (for applicants applying from within Australia) Subclass 804 Aged Parent (Residence) Visa).

You could contact organisations such as http://www.elderlyparents.org.uk. These organisations will help you and your parents make the neccessary decisions.

Your Parents still have their lives to live. They should have the right to make choices that will make them happy. Your parents should be a priority.

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Disclaimer: While all due care has been taken to ensure that the information within this article at the time of publication is correct, I.U cannot accept responsibility for the content for any inaccuracies that occurs as a result of changes in immigration regulations, policy or other variables affecting the eligibility of individual applicants. Immigration laws, skill shortage determinations etc are subject to change by appropriate authorities and thus are outside of our control. Please contact us for further advice before taking steps towards immigrating. This article is published in good faith.

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