My husband is in the military and while he was on his long tour he met a girl and had a brief affair. The girl is now pregnant and due at the end of August. She is also military. My husband and I are going to stay married and attempt to pull through this situation together. She is constantly calling our home, where my husband, myself and our two children live, and she is also always blackmailing us with threats to call his first shirt, but she has already called him and told him of the situation. She wants 500.00 a month in child support, which we in no way can afford. My husband made a huge mistake and we are now living with the repercussions of his negative actions. I am going to stand by him and we will deal with this together. Does anyone have any suggestions, opinions, or unfortunatley have any experience with this type of situation? I am just concerned for my husband, my children, and the baby that is soon to be born into a situation it never asked for. I just need some answers. I don't know, or have heard of the term " first shirt" that you said she is blackmailing you with threats to call his "first shirt".
Anyway, she CANNOT blackmail you at all on this if you don't want her to. Blackmail is for hush money.
I SO admire you for still loving your husband and realizing he made a BIG MISTAKE. Unfortunately, his mistake made a child. But,, for one thing, make sure it IS his child. A woman who will black mail someone is not, duh!, to be trusted. She could also be making up the fact that HE is the father. Maybe she doesn't know WHO the father is but he is a good catch and he seems like a good fish to black mail.
That you and he are still together and sticking together, I really don't see what the black mail thing is. Black mail only works when you are keeping something from someone and you don't want that person to find out about it, whatever it is. In this case, it would be the pregnancy or the time "he" (sorry, really) spent with her. BUT, he came clean and told you everything.
Did I misunderstand something here? I think I understand that you "know" everything? SHE cannot dictate "what" she will get a month. The courts decide that. And,that will depend on what your husband (taking into consideration that he is married with 2 children, can pay her)You need to get an attorney or go to court (hopefully with an attorney). No Judge will look down on you husband if he states that he accepts he's the father of this baby (is he????) and that he is and you also are, willing to support this child. This Judge would look very highly upon him. I would THINK that if you can get any kind of evidence, --- emails, phone messages, etc -- that SHE was trying to black mail him, that would certainly be in your favor. Keep whatever hard copies of stuff or phone messages to that effect that you can, OK?
The "support" amount that your husband would have to give to the child will depend on how much his income is AND, sometimes, it depends on how much the income is of the "mother". Like, if she makes way more than him, that would be considered. And, that you already have two children together, and that the Judge sees that YOU, in particular (and, God bless you - that's great!) are willing to still make a go of it and stand by him, that will make a big difference.
DO NOT let this woman try to black mail you. WHY would you? This isn't a black mail situation, right? She sounds like scum and sould be brought to her knees to be told that your husband is not the only one to be suffering here, you are too as well as your family and she is a totally horrible person that I think is totally trying to take advantage of him and the situation.
THAT she is trying to black mail him indicates that she must feel that he doesn't want this to get out????
Maybe it's not even his baby. I certainly would check that out.
My prayers and thoughts will be with you. You seldom hear stories like yours where this happens and you, the wife, stands by her husband. You two must really be in love and you must really, really know that he loves you a lot. I would want to do what you are doing, if I were ever in your place.
P.S. Don't misunderstand me though. IF it is his baby, he owes as much to that baby as he is giving to the 2 childrend that he fathered with you. I hope you don't feel differently. His child (if it is) with that woman is, unfortunately the same --- or it should be looked upon as such -- as the children he had with you. Yes, if this is his child and it was concieved out of wedlock or whatever term you want to put on it, it is STILL a baby of his --- like your children are and then, remember that. He owes that child everything he owes and gives to your children that your had together. Sad, I know, but that is what it is, don't you think? IF it's his child, ----- THEN, look at either of your two ---- would you want for either of them to not have had what they have now?
And, by the way, this opens up still another port. Your two children will (if it's his child) have a step-sibling. Yeah, I know ...........
I've known people in that position. Lots of suff here now. It's not just the $500 a month she's asking for. Your husband (maybe) has an offspring out there! Does that make that child any less than the two that you love now and had by him --- just like this woman's baby (IF it's his!)
So sorry for you. This is the beginning of a lot of "stuff" ........... You're an angel though. He's really lucky that you love him so much and, for whatever reason, understand what happened to put you all in this situation.
You're the one to be admired!
Sorry I went on and on but this was just a very unique situation and I just really felt a pang in my heart when I read you story "question". Good luck. Hope it all works out. Really. Hope you continue to stick by him and that you both continue to just be what you are right now to and with eachother. Gosh, if so, you can get through ANYTHING after this! First of all get a lawyer..and make sure this baby is your husbands. The court will deem how much child support he will have to pay...for the next 21 years. You will be stuck with the mother of his child for a very long time. You will be very lucky to survive this mess with your marriage in tack. Good luck. He did the deed and he will have to pay child support. It takes more to be a man than planting his seed. $500 is not much to support a child. If she goes to court she will probably get more.
Personally, I don't think I would trust him again. Let her move in with you, it would be better if all of his kids live under the same roof. She can't just demand that kind of money. Women don't get to pick how much child support they get.
Congratulations on staying together, by the way.
Refuse to give her the 500/month. She'll drop it or take you to court. If she's single, wants full custody, and is in the military, while he has a wife and two kids, she makes more than him and he won't pay much. Next time she attempts to blackmail you, inform her of the fact that if he is granted partial custody, he may end up on the RECEIVING end of the child support.
Also, make her prove through DNA testing that it is his. If it isn't, no problem for you, and she's the perpetrator of paternity fraud.
If she does take you to court, they'll evaluate how much he can really afford to pay, and base it off that. Bear in mind that she chose to keep it, when it could have been adopted, and that is not his fault. |
