Am I out of line with my mother in law?

I got home on a Wednesday night after my softball game to find that my Mother-in-law had put on a surprise party for me for my 30th birthday.

I came home on Friday & found my Mother-in-law at my house totally up receipts on my computer for my surprise party. She had me write a check to reimburse her for it down to the last penny! I exchanged a few words with her while giving her the check & have not talked to her since. To say the least, I am incredibly hurt!

Basically they had fun spending money on my dime! To make it worse, I threw a surprise party for her 50th last year & never asked for a penny in return. The same year I also threw a party for her father & would never have pulled our receipts & asked to be reimbursed. That is not what family does to family!

My husband thinks I am out of line & I disagree. She took all the credit & took the compliments & the thanks from me (previous to me know that I was paying for it) from everyone & came out looking like an angel!

Okay, the obvious question is why would you pay your mother-in-law for the surprise birthday party in your honor? It does not make much sense to take financial responsibility for something to which you did not have a choice in advance. There鈥檚 no analogy that could be made that would be clearer than the actuality of this incident. Even if you had requested the party, it is not customary for the recipient of a party to be expected to pay for it.
Your husband is out of line for not having your back. I fail to understand a person who would side with anyone over their spouse; she鈥檚 always going to be his mother, but you may not necessarily always be his wife. Siding against me for a reason like that is certainly a deal-breaker in my relationships.
Your mother-in-law is out of line for creating, tabulating and passing the cost of this party on to you. If she did not intend on incurring the cost she should not have planned the event. That is more than rude; in my house that will get you cussed at and thrown out empty-handed. The party was her idea, and her liability.
And sadly, if you truly cut that check, you are out of line. Even if you did so to allay conflict with your husband and his mother, you have actually only done yourself a future disservice. You have set a precedent for you mother-in-law that you are essentially a pushover. We should of course be kind and loving, but to allow this type of treatment will only encourage her to make similar demands in the future. As for your husband, this is a 鈥榳e-need-to-talk鈥?starter if I ever heard of one. If you can live with him siding against you, then the best of luck to you both; but if you are upset by his decision to uphold mom鈥檚 viewpoint, then you need to resolve this aspect. To do otherwise only sets the stage for later conflict when things like this happen.
I hope others reply so that you can get a well-rounded set of perspectives, but trust me, if you have to pay for a gift it鈥檚 not a gift.

not out of line your husband just thinks you are cause its his mom but you didn't ask for the party so why did she throw it if they wanted you to pay if she needed help paying for it she could have just asked your husband to help her or other friends and family members and i wouldn't throw her another party

No I don't think you are out of line here at all, if she was throwing the party she should pay for it, not you. Man that is low rent for real. She should have at least talked to you before doing this and asking your for money, what if you couldn't afford it???????? No when you invite you pay, she is rude and has no class.

jeez! your mother in law sounds like a no-class lady. i don't think you are out of line. i think you handled the situation very well...it would be hard not to reimburse her after she asked you, but i wouldn't talk to her again, at least not until she pays you back for something or apologizes.

When you throw a party for someone, you do not in any way, shape, or form have them PAY for it. That's like saying "Happy Anniversary honey, now I'm going to need $500 for those earrings."

Ouch. Kick her and your husband

Thats just wrong i would definitely have to disagree with your husband but it was that of a gift. She didnt have to throw the party in the first place. So wouldnt talk to her either.

send her a thank you gift with a copy of the reciept and write a due date for her to pay you for the gift.

your are definitely right
dont argue with her in a bad way keep calm. talk to her and let her know what you think in a respectful way.

Your mother in law is out of line. She has no family value or moral.

Why would someone throw a party for you and then make you pay for it? That's tacky. Not out of line at all