Is it cruel to consider not getting my daughter a attorney so she will be forced to give up her baby?

Before people get evil... I'd like to say I have 2 great, loving, responsible adult children. Who were raised in the same home environment as their sister. My middle daughter Heather, is 19 and pregnant for the 2nd time, by another loser. She abandoned her son, and I am raising him. Heather has been charged with some serious felonys, that if defended by a public defender will get her at least 3 years. Because I know she is innocent (I am her alibi). I am sure an attouny could win in court. I also know she just wants this baby to keep drama and welfare services in her life. She has gone to her grandma for $6000.00 for a lawyer. Grandma does not know she is pregnant with a biracial baby (i know it shouldn't matter, but it does to grandma), if she did, she may not help her out. I offered to pay for hey lawyer, if she had an abortion or put the baby up for adoption but she refused. She has lived in the same home with her son for the past 2 months and won't even spend 5 min a day with him.

she has no job and no school, shes a scammer. Would it be wrong to let her go to jail just to save my next grandchild from her?

Wish I could help. I understand your position but I cannot imagine your pain. My cousin did the same to her mother, Three babies with three different men. Her mom adopted the first two but when she came up pregnant again Mom said I cannot do this again. This girl grew up with a loving mom and a close relationship with other relatives. Some people just turn out bad no matter how they are raised. Some people need to be sterilized but of course that would violate her civil rights (note sarcasm) Babies don't ask to be born and should not be subjected to horrible parents
Good luck.

Edit-- The third child was put up for adoption.

this is a false dichotomy

first off is that being charged with a crime that one is innocent of and having a baby that she doesn't take care of are two different things....one should NOT affect the other

and second, court appointed attorneys can be very good and if you are her alibi than you should have no problems at trial even with a court appointed attorney

I think if you believe you are doing what is best for the child, then, I don't think it's cruel. Your daughter has to learn - the hard way, it looks like.

Anyone who helps her would be an enabler. They let her live off of others and look like she is the victim. Once is a mistake, but twice is on purpose.

You're in a rough spot and I don't think a bunch of faceless people on Yahoo should help you make that decision.

For starters.. if you KNOW and can honestly testify that she is innocent, why can't that happen, with a public defender.? Asking grandma for the money, baby or no baby, is insane.
She ALREADY has abandoned one baby (you are raising), so what happens with another one? Are you ready to raise that one too? Considering what you say.. she clearly qualifies for unfit parent, so cps will step in, or you will.
You asked for opinion, and I cannot see you offering her money, contingent on abortion or adoption. That is coercion. Reality is that she is likely to lose the child anyway.
Considering all that you say.. is it not time to let daughter deal with ALL her own problems? and be accountable? Meaning the pregnancy and the criminal charges.
I love all my kids.. but realistically, I am not now, and never will be, able to raise their children. It forces them to account for their own conduct.
If either grandma (or you) help her with the charges, it looks clear that this will all continue. And Grandma will be out 6000. Daughter may not BE innocent the next time.. and it looks clear that there will be a next time.
This isn't meant to hurt you.. I am grieving already for problems that my kids do have.. and feel helpless. But.. I think your daughter is never going to learn anything, as long as she keeps getting rescued.

I agree with nvedukat that we are all faceless characters of Yahoo, and if I were dealing with my own daughter, despite her faults, I would NOT want to give up my own grandchild. To me, that little person is family.

I know that we only know YOUR side of the story; perhaps Heather's version will be different and may even include facts you are unaware of. It sounds like you and your daughter are estranged, and that will only hurt the children involved. You need to be by her side, be firm and HELP her emotionally. Get her off drugs or alcohol or whatever it is that is messing with her senses.

Think long range. Ten years from now you are going to wonder what happened to that little child. Ten years from now hopefully Heather has seen the light and will be the best Mom ever.

We tend to be harder on women, girls and mothers and we are more prone to abandon them to the rest of society. Girls and women have it rough today, whereas boys and men often go free and don't have to live the rest of their lives with social persecusions like women do.

from what u said the bottom line is should she goto jail for something she didn't do... ,,, but no u should let her go with the public defender and be a witness for the case,,, that's just my opinion on that situation

People need to be taught responcibility for their actions... it's not up to u to pay for the lawyer but u are obligated to tell the judge what u know.

I think you are on the verge of trying to make one right out of three wrongs. If Heather is innocent of the crime charged, she should be defended and acquited. She may need the discipline of jail; but it won't help her if she knows she didn't commit the crime, especially if she knows you could have gotten her off, but didn't.

Do you wish that your existing grandson had never had a chance for life? Doesn't the unborn one deserve a chance, too? If you can document how she has neglected her older baby, go to family services and see if you can get them to take both children away from Heather until she straightens up, if ever. Give the new baby that chance and do what you can to make it a good life. Get some help from those other 2 great, loving, responsible adult children of yours. Good luck and God bless you.

I am trying not to be judgmental here, so please forgive me if I give the impression that I am taking a view. What will you feel like if she is convicted of something you know she has not done? Knowing that you could have prevented that, would you be able to look her in the face? What would your other children think about you and all that I presume you have taught them about right and wrong over the years? Is it fair to link your offer to the birth of a child? Fair to the child, your daughter or other members of your family? Is abortion a viable option with your family and, particularly your daughter's beliefs? Would this stance make the chances of the prodigal daughter returning even slimmer? Is the example you are setting to your grandson and all your children one which you want to set them and can look back on in 10+ years time and not regret? I do know of mothers of multiple children to multiple fathers who have nevertheless settled down to live happy productive and fulfilling lives with their children and partners.
Having said that, I am a UK criminal defence lawyer paid by the State and do as good a job as if I was privately paid. Are the public defender advocates so poor in your country?
Have you tried talking to someone for an objective view? What about your other children if they are mature and responsible enough to give you an objective view? Or your husband/partner?
I hope that helps. I certainly would not want to be in your position and can only express my best wishes that it works out for you all. Good luck

No, it would not be wrong.Thats what they call "tough love"--your daughter needs to understand that there are consequences to her actions.If she has no job and yet has a home--she has learned that someone ,somewhere will support her.This is called being an enabler.The behavior she displays is only reinforced by the very people who believe what they are doing is "helping her"--by continually bailing her out of problems she herself has created.This only adds to the problem and encourages the behavior to continue.If you truly love her--do not show her by giving into sypathetic pleas..she will only change when she finds a reason within herself to do so. A dose of reality and faceing this situation on her own may force her hand to really reevaluate her choices.She may hate you for some time..but I promise you, one day she will understand that you did what you did because you loved her.