If i get married now for legal reasons instead of when we originally planned, how does that change things?

my fiance and i planned on getting married in may, but we might have to do a civil ceremony now because my ex-boyfriend agreed to terminate his parental rights and i have had some lawyers telling me that a judge is not likely to approve it without there being a stepparent adoption going along with it because if my ex signs his rights over and i died before may, then my son would be an orphan and be turned over to the state. so if we got married in the court and still have our wedding in may, do we wear rings? or change last names? or do i wait til after our wedding in may? any thoughts?

a civil ceremony states your marriage legally only. changing names, wearing rings, and those things that are assumed along with marriage are at your own discretion. You can wait until your planned wedding to exchange rings and change names without affecting your legal status of married. It is not required that you change your name once married, it is only tradition.

I think you may have misunderstood what the lawyer told you. You don't need it to be a civil ceremony in order for it to be legal and make your new husband a step-parent. (Also, I'm sure that in a civil ceremony, you can wear / exchange rings, change names, everything like in any other kind of ceremony.)

Just wait until after you're married to get the father to terminate his rights, then the judge won't have a choice, because you and your new husband will be the only options. And you can do that no matter where you get married.

You could always do what my ex husband and I did. We got married in the courthouse and had a church wedding on our 1st anniversary. There is nothing saying you can't do both. That way you have what you need for the legality aspect and then you have your actual ceremony for your friends and family.

Have a civil ceremony now, at the courthouse, so you can protect your son and move forward with the adoption. Whether you want to wear your rings right away is up to you, but there is no reason to hide your marriage.

Between now and May you will be legally married for all purposes, including taxes.

Then go ahead and have your big wedding celebration in May, just as planned, for your family and friends. Exchange rings, have bridesmaides, do everything you wanted to do!