Legal strategy for birth family interference of our adopted son?

Our 4 year old son is adopted (closed adoption). He has been with us since he was 5 months old. Birth mother lost custody of him due to drug abuse/illegal activity. Birth grandmother was given an opportunity to gain custody of him but said she didn't want him (had 2-1/2 years to change her mind...this was a very slow process). The birth family knows us due to our presence at the court proceedings & worried b/c our son is black and we are white (but not enought to work case plan.)

Birth grandmother has left voice mails several times (we're listed in the book) and we haven't responded due to the inappropriateness of the calls (slurring her words in a few and other times talked about how she wants to bond with her "grandson") Recently, she CAME TO OUR DOOR and rang the doorbell and ran and there was a bag of cards/presents from her family members for my son. (we are donating to child charity) We are somewhat alarmed. We have thought of moving and/or restraining order.Thoughts???

The adoption is final. Our state provides a new birth certificate with his new name and us listed as his parents. There is no worry and no chance of him going back.

We are very culturally aware and culturally active (and not just his culture but all cultures). We have made sure he sees his race in our lives as much as possible. We have him going to a very integrated school and live in an integrated neighborhood. Him feeling comfortable in his own skin is one of our primary concerns with his upbringing.

We have saved all pictures and cards. This is all part of his life and when he is grown, I want him to have the option to have it. They are part of his history. But he is only four and, as his mommy, I only want to protect him.

Not incidentally, they did not want him when he had a heart condition and pulmonary problems and developmental delays. I do wish they would allow us to live our lives in peace.

Try communicating via a letter. Make sure that you use no language that is derogatory or that can be viewed in a different manner than intended. Tell them that you appreciate their care for your son but as the child's legal parents you have decided that there will be no contact with the child's birth family. You wish to build a strong sense of belonging with his (only) family and you will pick the time and manner in which to educate him as to his origins.

If she persists then ask your attorney to restrain her.

Do not communicate with his family! Get advice from a lawyer, the social services or whoever you need to. And move if you have to...This is going to be a major battle for you. They will not give up. Please get legal advise right away!

First congrats on adopting... it takes very loving and special parents to endure the process. Since your child is Africian American, make sure that he is being exposed to heritage either through events, friends of yours who are AA too.

I'm unsure if your are saying everything is final and legally he's yours according to your state adoption laws? Or they want him back? And or your concern primarily with the extended family that want access to him.

I am trying imagine how difficult this is. Because they don't want to go through legal channels but they are trying to buy his affection. Be careful you do not alienate your son later on when he's older. I would keep the cards and maybe one stuff toy to be open on his 16th or 18th birthday. A journal for him to understand about his adoption. Just luv your son enough to not let your protecting from clouding what is best for him. Now if the law has said he's your son, and then they are coming to your home, calling etc... you have to figure out if they are threat to you, your son?

I would consider a restraining order if you feel threaten. I hope u kept copies of the messages, slur speech, and the gifts. It could simply be a grandmother who has an alcohol problem and she is feeling guilty. But she may view your skin color as not worthy to care for her grandson. Sounds like your dealing with a seriously disfunctional extended family. You don't know what they are capable of doing, you have no history of who they are. While I see as an opportunity to get a health history, I wonder is it worth it.

He's at such a vunerable age... where words can seriously affect the person he's meant to be. If you move, it's fairly easy to track people. Before moving u might want to take other legal action. Don't u have adoption support groups in your area. They may have legal sources to lay out your options and help to decide what is best for u. goodluck and congrats again...